Vanishing

The other day someone asked if I’ve ever wanted to disappear. I fell silent and counted to ten and watched the traffic light turn from red to green, searching for some holy answer I didn’t have.

I nodded. “Yes, I have.”

I wish I could say I last felt that years and years ago, but that desire to disappear or to vanish assaulted me all last year. There have been so many issues attacking my heart and spirit. The incessant murders of beautiful, black men, women, and children. The constant disregard for people who look like me. Trump in the White House (in conjunction with the Obamas leaving). Attacks in Aleppo. The noise surrounding these events have been deafening, drowning out my peace and security and safety that’s only found in Christ.

And I didn’t even know it was happening.

“Protect your heart. Don’t forget about God.” My mother always exhorted me with these precious words. Of course, I wasn’t planning to forget about God: the only sure thing on this side of Heaven. But, I wasn’t protecting my heart from the assault caused by the barrage of CNN breaking news alerts and social media feeds. And each tweet, each pop-up notification of more bad news nicked away at my heart. I began to feel like I had to protect myself, protect my family. Without noticing, I was no longer willing to allow Christ to be my peace. The issues of the world cast a dark shadow over the cross in my heart and I allowed myself to forget who is still King.

My fears and doubts left my soul thirsty, dry, yearning, dead. Everything I touched seemed to turn to dust in my hands, while I desperately grasped at the remnants…hoping to salvage something, anything that gave me purpose.

I’d forgotten that my life amounts to nothing without Christ.

While talking on the phone to a friend about something completely unrelated, God showed me the vision of the dry bones lying in the valley (see Ezekiel 37). And He whispered to me that these were all the things, all my plans that I’d been trying to accomplish without Him. Dead. Unfruitful. They won’t move, they won’t heal, they won’t be successful until I allow Him to breathe life into them.

And He told me that He wants to revive me again. He offers supernatural resuscitation to anyone who is seeking life. He’s seen the tragedies that have affected your heart and mine…and He’s eager to heal and mend and remind us that He is still bigger and greater than anything we will ever face.

I choose Him today, this year…in this moment. I choose to receive healing. I choose to forgive. I choose life.

I don’t need to vanish. I have placed myself on the Solid Rock again…and even if I slip, I am sure of one thing: My Messiah knows how to find me, how to rescue me from the things that threaten to suffocate life from my lungs.

And He will never stop pursuing me. Or you.

 

 

Suggested Text: Ezekiel 37:1-14

Suggested Music: Dry Bones by Gungor

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  • Happy New Year, Sherron!
    I know exactly what you mean. We saw a lot of celebrities leaving this earth and we saw things happen that many of us thought impossible *cough* Trump *cough*. But, God had to shake me and remind me that He is still bigger than all of that… and even though it’s permanent, we shouldn’t fear death. To live is Christ and to die is gain. I just want to make sure I make my time here as meaningful and purposeful as I possibly can. Together, we’ll make it.
    Thanks for reading and commenting!

    –Jeida K.

  • Happy New Year, Candace! Thanks for commenting on my blog. This issue was nagging at me and I thank God he is helping me to refocus on him in this new year and new season. I hope you have a wonderful new year and that 2017 brings you overflowing peace and love.

    –Jeida K.

  • This is an awesome blog post! Your thoughts and feelings correlate with the same emotions I’ve been feeling. A part of me felt a very small sense of dread once the new year hit because you don’t know what’s in store for the future of this country. I’m now approaching my late 30’s and I see so many ppl dying that are my age or younger and it scares me because I realize, now that I’m older, that we’re all living on borrowed time. But instead of living in fear the key thing is to remain focused on God like you said. And I personally need to stop focusing on things I have no control over.